Through these struggles, I learned.
One year of 'lockdown'.........
Yes, what a year! Many of you might have quite a similar feeling? I heard many of my friends or acquaintances say "2020 will be my year" or "2020 is a clean number to get things done."
Completely the opposite.
Mainly, now, I hear negativity. It's not all about that if you think for a second of what you could have accomplished in all these months that seemed interminable. For example, I had a list of things I wanted to do (not getting into details) but a list that you always have in mind and desire to get done.
In January of last year, I thought I had it all planned out, but no.
Working as a journalist in my country (island) and reading the international news got me thinking? What is happening to the world, and now a virus, what is going on? Suddenly that list seemed too shallow but still, the dreams were deep inside my heart.
The year 2020 wasn’t the best, but it was not the worst. For me, as an introvert, it was actually refreshing, I could be inside reading a book, writing, and watching series? Man, that is the best feeling, (do not get me wrong I love going out to relax) even though most days I was outside working as a journalist, I love being alone.
The year 2020 taught me to control myself, most nights I cried because I felt I couldn’t handle the situation, everything was out of control. In order for me to be at peace and calm, I needed to be in control and everything has to go as planned.
However, suddenly everything changed. I lost control, luckily I didn’t lose myself in the process of adaptation. Work-wise, it has been hard, the economy hit hard but I made it through and I hope for the best in this new year, or the coming years…
The year 2020, was the year that I was going to publish my first book in Papiamento. Right? It has been ages with the same struggle. Since the year was a mess; getting in contact with editors, and people even look at your work is a m—-f—-. I usually hear, "I don’t have the time," "I can’t, but I’ll give you a list of others that might look at your work," (the list never comes) or, "Why don’t you write it more this way?" (their way).
I kept hearing millions of excuses. My only intention for this book is to offer it to the island, and because I just love to write. Not to get anyone's attention, famous or rich. I wrote it because, the language Papiamento deserves to be in a position where we all appreciate the language we communicate in Aruba, for students to enjoy.
Many times I hear, "the language Papiamento is tough to read." That, my friends, need to change. It's shocking for me, that such a small island with creative minds, and that all of these artists go through a big line of s— to get their work done or get published.
Dear Papiamento editors, thank you. This one is especially for you.
In the year 2020, for the first months, we were adapting to all the changes, once things started to calm down, "having it under control," you know? We started working on productions again (with all the safety protocols). So, see? It wasn’t that bad. A group of people came together to work on a series (idea by Charles Croes) production that will hopefully get the people from Aruba and around the world (one can dream) to be interested in a locally series that will promote Aruba, and it is a new concept to the island.
The series called ‘Rem’ is about a private investigator that decides to retire from New York and go on the beautiful island of Aruba. The plot and the rest of the episodes are full of adventures, comedy, drama, mystical, and action (and more, no spoilers). It is a great opportunity for Aruba to keep its name out there. Cannot wait to show it to the world. Oh did I say it was my debut as a director, yes I’m still learning but it was the best f—- experience, and I also I am the screenwriter.
The year 2020, was hard for my emotional heart, I had to force myself to heal from a broken heart for deep feelings to one of my dearest closest friends.
I fell 'in love’ with someone who did not reciprocate my feelings.
Can you imagine being in lockdown, shelter in place, and in spite of all of what is happening you feel broken inside and you cannot talk to that one friend because it is the same friend you have all these feelings for? That is not the worst part; I am a person who overthinks, is anxious, and, occasionally, has panic attacks. I had to deal with my owns demons and suffer in silence, pretending with a huge smile that everything is going down perfectly. I know 2020, it is not your fault but since everyone has been blaming you, you might take this one.
Now that we are in January again, I am feeling confident, positive, trusting the process. If you are reading...I’m sorry for the bad times and I appreciate you for being understanding and caring... and for all of those that went through something similar...Dude, you’re strong and hit me up, we should grab a beer.
The year 2020, as I said was not the best, but it was not the worst. I learned to appreciate the small things in life, I learned to not spend money, I learned to have more patience, I learned that I have incredible loving parents (not that I didn’t know but this pandemic made me appreciate them more), sister and brother in law as well. I learned that I have a few friends that I can count on them and they have the most precious heart in their own particular way.
I learned to be humble, I learned that I have to wait, I learned that indeed time heals everything. I learned to let go, I learned not to get attached emotionally to anyone but yourself, I learned that a laugh, a joke with a good talk, a beer, and sharing food can cheer someone else up when they are feeling bad during these times. I learned to motivate myself each morning, I learned that I cannot have everything under control, I learned to be free, I learned that the best is yet to come even when it is not what you hoped for.
Thanks for the lessons 2020, and to you, thanks for reading, and yes 2020 what a year you have been!
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​Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blogpost are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official views of Phryme.